ok, so i guess i'm starting a blog... in all honesty, i'm not really sure why i'm doing it, but i guess if i had to put a reason to it, i would say that i guess it's a good way to write things outside a journal, but less public than facebook (which i'm beginning to dislike more and more). i imagine that anyone who reads this blog will already know me but hell, this is my blog and i can write about myself all i want cause it's mine. do i really want to start with all the boring stuff? the "get to know you stuff." the kind of things where i say that i go to BYU and that i'm a premed a student, and that my dogs name is this and that....? no. i've titles this blog "Undivided Honesty" because that's exactly how i want to write things, in brutal honesty. so here we go. seeing as though this is my first entry, i'm going to make this very short and to the point. right now in my life i suppose i'm in a a phase of limbo. doesn't it always seem that life is always in a changing phase or that it always needs to be? well, that's how i feel and what my life is like right now. just within the last two or three weeks i've decided not to go to paramedic school as i had originally planned. so after deciding not to go to paramedic school as i had been planning for months, i thought to myself, "well that's ok, i'll just continue to go to school at BYU and finish up on my bachelors degree on my way to PA (physician assistant) school. then, about 3-4 days ago, i was walking home from class, listing to some good music on my ipod touch when it hit me. i've only decided to go to medical school because i want to be a slacker through college and get ok grades when i could be getting great grades and go to medical school where my real passion lies. i thought about it and realized that my plan to go to PA school, while still a good goal and perhaps a great backup plan, was selling myself short of what my full potential is. i know that a lot of people want to go to PA school, and i'm not saying that PAs are inferior to doctors, it's just not using the gifts that God has given me to their full strength. now that i've realized what i want and i feel like for the first time i have the self-discipline and determination to reach the goal, i'm looking back on two classes that i took that i should have gotten better grades in. one being chem 105 which i got a C+ in. wow, blake, a C+ is horrible and i didn't try in that class, i never read and i never studied to the extent that i should have. the other class is one that i'm in right now, PDBio 120. this is only a 2 credit class and i've just blown it off like it's nothing. i'm an idiot. i dont know what i'm going to get in this class but i dont think i'm going to be happy with it. i still have some time to make up for being an idiot, but i dont know how much i can really fix in the month that we have before the semester ends. i hope that i can pull something else off. ok, now that i'm being completely honest in my blog let me throw out a few disclaimers. first off, i am a horrible speller and i almost never read through my work after i've written it to catch my spelling or grammatical errors, so if you find some, keep it to yourself. another thing is that although i'm writing about myself and posting it on the internet where everyone can read it, i'm not so sure that i want anyone to. i mean, lets be honest here... everyone wants others to understand them and have empathy towards their situations, but no one wants to ask for that because it makes them sound vulnerable and egotistical, but guess what, everyone who is reading this knows exactly what i'm referring to. um.... if i think of any other disclaimers, i'll post them up. i'm sure i'll have to embarrass myself a couple of times before i get it all figured out. ok, i'm really tired so i'm calling it quits. i'll finish my blog some other day.