The Doorstep Scene

Now, when we all think of the "doorstep scene" we either start to laugh, or we begin to feel awkward as if we're walking up to the door right now, or we start thinking of a funny doorstep story. (Most people have their own funny/awkward doorstep scene. If not, everyone definitely has a roommate or friend with a good one). I was going to write about a doorstep rule that will solve a lot of the awkwardness but now that I mention it, I think I'll share a doorstep story that happened to me.

My doorstep scene was actually somewhat different than others. That's because it happened at the doorstep when I was picking up my date- not dropping her off. This was a blind date and the friend that set us up came along to make a double date. So, I pull up to her house, walk to the door and I ring the little button that is suppose to make a "ding dong" inside the house but instead usually releases large quantities of epinephrine in my blood. A pretty blond girl answers the door, says hello and I ask if she is Kaitlin (actually, I don't remember what her real name is so I'm substituting the name Kaitlin). She says that she is and with my heart beating in my throat (which for some reason always makes my brain turn off) I blurt out, "well come on in"..... awkward silence follows..... I begin to look around......I begin to feel like an idiot....more awkward silence..... Then, realizing that I've said the stupidest thing because I'm the one outside of her door she says "Oh, you mean to your car?" And I could only say, "yeah.....to my car." We went to a restaurant where I went into the bathroom and laughed at what a dork I am. The date actually went really well from then on and the normal doorstep scene went just fine but man I made a fool of myself that day.

Ok, having given that little story, (which in no way actually applies to the rule that I'm about to explain) I can now explain what I was going to in the beginning. Now, let me ask you a simple question. Usually, at the end of a date there is either a hug or a high-five or a hand shake or something that sort of ends the date. Do you know what I'm talking about? Good. Ok, so let's say that on a particular date the boy asks the girl out, which is what traditionally happens, and they get to the dreaded doorstep scene. Who's responsibility is it to give the hug, high-five, or handshake? That is, if anything is given at all? Stop reading here and decided if it's the boy's responsibility or the girl's. Got your answer??? Good. Now, I'm guessing that if you're a girl, you said that it's the boy's responsibility, and if your a boy, you said that it's the girl's responsibility. I've probably asked this question to close to fifty people before and although there are exceptions, that's how the majority of the voting goes. The problem arises in that each person thinks that it's the other's responsibility. So why is that? Why do girls think it's the boy's job and why do the boys think that it's the girl's job. Allow me to explain why I think it's that way.

Ladies first. Girls believe that men are to take the first step forward the relationship. For example, they believe that the man should hold the girls hand first, or give the first kiss...etc. And guess what? They're 100% totally correct in this assumption. This same rule they associate with what should happen at the doorstep scene. It's the end of their first date and naturally they would assume that it would be the man who ends it with a hug, handshake or whatever.

The man on the other hand has a totally different reason as to why it's the girl's responsibility. First, men see it as their responsibility to made the first move(s) which includes asking the girl out in the first place. They see it as their responsibility to plan out a thoughtful date, made sure the girl a has good time, and pay for it. Men envision that the girl he has asked out already knows that he either likes her or is at least interested in her because no man likes to blow money on some other man's wife. (By the way, the average date for a single BYU student is $38 dollars. Thanks stats 221 for useless information that's only good for putting in your blog). So after the man has asked, planed, executed, and paid for the date he sees the doorstep scene as feedback. Now I want to make if perfectly clear that most men, if not all men (at least the descent ones that you would want to go out with) do not see the doorstep scene as something the girl owes him. But I think it's fair to say that it's a way of knowing what the girl wants.

Being a man myself I want to further clarify my point. Men feel like the girl can get a pretty good picture by just the fact that the guy has asked her out and by what the date included. What does the man have to go on? Really the only feedback as to whether the girl would like to go on another date or not is by what she does at the doorstep scene. For example, if a girl were to bolt from the guy's car into her house or were to give him a handshake at the doorstep he would get the hint that they're not interested in another date. On the other hand, if the girl were to say something like "I had a really good time tonight. It would be fun to do that again" and then give the guy a good hug, chances are really good that you'll get a second date. If the man gives the hug, when he gets home he has no idea as to whether or not she wants to go again. Also, to counter the girl's argument that the man is one who makes the first move(s); who says that giving a hug is a first move? You give you mom or dad hugs. You can hug your bishop or other married people, right? So giving a hug at the end of the date doesn't say anything other than "I had a good time." Therefore, I conclude that the responsibility rests with the women to decide what will happen at the doorstep scene if anything at all. They should only give a hug if that's what they want, and if they just want to walk inside without anything, they should feel totally free to. The ball should be in the girl's court but because no one knows who's responsibility it is, lots of good/awkward scenes happen.